As I Write This Letter by shell29bell
by All You Need Is Love Contest
Summary: Edward, a Navy SEAL, goes on a secret mission. While he's gone, he writes Bella.


**Disclaimer**: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.

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**Title of One-Shot: **As I write this letter  
**Song Inspiration: **P.S. I love you  
**Pairing: **Edward/Bella  
**POV: **Bella  
**Rating: **M/NC-17  
**Word Count: **2017

**Summary: **Edward, a Navy SEAL, goes on a secret mission. While he's gone, he writes Bella.

**This one-shot is being posted in participation with the All You Need is Love contest hosted by Camoozle, Emerald_Rosalie, Lightstardusting and Miztrezboo **  
**Please see the contest profile for full details.**

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The streets of their town were quiet. It was early on a Sunday morning as they made their way towards base. After parking, the two figures walked silently, tiredly, towards the hanger. The day before had been filled with celebration and farewell as the two had been joined together as husband and wife and a family's only son had prepared to go off to war.

Bella and Edward's night had been filled with passion as they came together, uniting body and soul. Every kiss was a desperate promise mirrored with a desperate plea, I will return home, please return to me.

Bella began to fidget nervously as they stood amongst the other wives and soldiers while the troops began to gather and prepare for departure.

Neither of them spoke, fearing tears would come and ruin their hopes for a brave goodbye.

Edward laced his fingers with Bella's, making her turn towards him to finally meet his eyes. Her own turned frantic as noticed his unshed tears and she threw herself at him, desperately clinging to the lapels of his uniform when her knees buckled under the weight of her grief.

He enveloped her small body savoring the feel of her against him one last time, not knowing when they would be together again.

"Shh," he whispered, "I'll come home and until then I'll write you everyday I'm gone. It will be as if I never left," he finished, his voice quiet.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," she chanted as if the words were a prayer and buried her face in his chest, relishing his scent and making sure it was even more deeply etched into her memory.

The Navy SEAL Commander's whistle jolted them from their embrace and they broke apart. Edward mouthed a silent goodbye as he slung his duffel over his shoulder and sprinted towards his unit, falling into rank without another look. If he had turned to see her standing there, broken and alone, he never would have been able to leave.

Bella watched them load onto the plane and take off and remained until the airplane was nothing but a black dot on the horizon. The sun had fully risen and the fog had disappeared as Bella made her way back home, alone. Her sadness made her resent the beautiful early spring day for she had no desire to feel the sun on her face or hear the birds sing today. Her every intention was to immerse herself in the housework, hoping the repetitive and mundane chores would keep her from sinking into an even deeper depression. By the time Edward returned to her, she would have the cleanest house anyone had ever seen.

Later that afternoon, Bella was on her hands and knees, elbow deep in a bucket of hot sudsy water when she heard the tell-tale knock of the post man and the sound of several articles of mail falling to the floor from the mail slot in the door.

Bella sighed heavily, rising from her position to welcome the distraction from her melancholy thoughts. She removed the pink rubber gloves and wiped her hands on her jeans before picking up the three various envelopes. In her pile was a letter from her good friend Alice who had moved away to Texas the year before with her new husband. Bella assumed it was a letter filled with well wishes and regret for missing her wedding. Bella looked forward to reading Alice's letter as her bubbly personality would transcend the paper and warm Bella's mood if only for a moment.

The second letter was brought to the top and suddenly the world fell away. Bella's eyes took in the neat, familiar scrawl and she held the envelope to her chest as fresh tears began to fall. She opened the envelop reverently, careful not to rip or mar any part of it.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_As I write this letter, I'm watching you sleep. Your naked body is barely covered with my shirt and your breasts are flushed as well as your cheeks. I can still feel the heat of your body as we laid together, finally. Your presence surrounds me and I pray that I can hold this feeling for as long as I have to be gone._

_I can see that night is fading and know it will soon be time to wake you so that I can leave. It tears my heart. I want you to remain in your peaceful dreams and remember me only at my happiest, not the image of my fear and sadness as I leave you behind. But you're so stubborn and would never let me go alone and I am so selfish that I need to spend every last second I have beside you._

_Despite our distance you will be with me always. The love we have will live with us forever._

_I will come home to you. _

_Yours,_

_Edward_

_P.S. I Love You_

Bella sat for several minutes holding the letter to her chest as she tried to manage the searing pain in her heart to a more manageable ache. She could almost hear him speak the words and feel his breath against her neck while she remembered him whispering to her as they lay together, bodies entwined. He'd made love to her tenderly, his every touch worshipful as he tried to memorize every detail of her. Later, he'd wrapped his shirt and himself around her as she fought to stay awake, not wanting to waste a single moment with him.

Bella placed his letter in her pocket keeping it close to her throughout the rest of her day and pulling it out several times to re read his words.

Later that night, before she went to bed, Bella slipped into Edward's shirt and placed his first letter lovingly in her cedar chest alongside her simple wedding dress. She looked over the remaining empty space waiting to be filled with other memories and imagined the day that she and Edward would look upon his letters, babies' shoes and blankets in remembrance of a full life together.

Several days later, another letter arrived from Edward.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_As I write this letter we are flying from Germany to our intended target. I always wanted to see the world, but not like this. Not alone. I miss you every minute and I find myself turning to say something to you only to realize you aren't there. I'm already counting down the days until I see you again._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

_P.S. I love you_

~*~*~

The weeks following his departure became a mundane cycle as Bella tried to keep herself busy. She would work, volunteer, and visit with Edward's family, all the while knowing that every few days her efforts at distracting herself would be rewarded with a letter from Edward. Bella felt connected to him and was always reminded of his love for her and knew that, wherever he was and what ever obstacle he faced, he thought of her and took the time to let her know. Some letters were several pages long, written in down time when boredom was in abundance.

Other letters were scrawled hastily on scraps of paper.

One such letter arrived in December several days later than Bella had become used to. The envelope was smudged and torn and inside was a small piece of newspaper. Over the foreign print Edward had written _Remember that I'll always be in love with you. _

Her heart soared knowing that even in the midst of turmoil Edward was thinking of her and loving her as she did him as she continued to exist without him by her side.

The time came, however, when even her patience and persistence yielded no letter. Despite clinging hopefully to her compulsive schedule, nothing came for weeks. Bella could no longer sleep, instead she opened and re-read every letter he sent hoping to fill the void taking hold of her heart. Bella tried very hard to show a brave face in her daily life, but the nagging chill within the pit of her stomach would not be ignored and when the uniformed casualty notification officer stood just inside her door and handed her the official letter of condolence the chill spread through her veins and all the love and warmth she once held spilled from her eyes in bitter tears as she read.

_Dear Mrs. Cullen,_

On behalf of the men of the Navy SEALS, I would like to extend my sincerest and deepest sympathy to you and all members of your family on the tragic loss of your husband, Edward. He gave his life in fulfilling a longtime personal dream and in patriotic service to a Navy and nation he loved. You can be justifiably proud of Edward's accomplishments. Your husband was most respected, and I was proud to have him in my command. All of the Navy SEALS will miss him, and we share in your great loss.

_Sincerely,_

_Emmett McCarty_

_Navy SEAL Commander_

It was the fourth of July when Edward returned home. The streets leading to the base were decked in American flags and clogged with tourists making their way to the beach.

The hanger which had been filled and brimming with nervous energy when the troops left several months ago now sat quiet and solemn. Several people had arrived to see their soldier return, but there would be no cheering.

Bella stood beside Esme clutching her hand as the casket, draped with an American flag, was slowly wheeled from the cargo hold of the large jet. A strangled sob broke from Bella and Esme reached around to hold Bella against her and turn her face from the sight as they loaded Edward into the hearse which would bring him to his final resting place.

Bella sat in the front row, in a hard plastic chair as the Jacksonville sun beat down on the mourners gathered to say farewell to her love. Words were spoken and prayers were said, but Bella heard nothing but the stuttered beating of her heart as she held her breath and bit her lip to keep the tears at bay.

Bella raised her eyes only to watch as the flag was taken from his casket and reverently folded in the customary triangle. She felt the course material being pressed into her hands and allowed her fingers to wrap around what she bitterly considered her consolation prize. The Navy Chaplain stood stiffly and saluted Bella.

"_On behalf of the President of the United States and the Chief of Naval Operations, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's service to this Country and a grateful Navy."_

The house was empty now, the last of the mourners had said their goodbyes. Alice had called and somehow Bella had managed to utter the proper responses although she had no idea of anything Alice had said.

Bella walked through the house touching individual flowers in every condolence bouquet. She scoffed at the superfluous need to send flowers to a grieving family. There was no comfort in receiving something else that would just die on her.

She reached the end of her round and found a small box sitting beside a small arrangement. It was simple brown cardboard with the navy seal centered on the top. Slowly, she opened it to reveal Edward's personal affects. His ID, wedding band, and a small envelope were all that remained of her reason to live.

Bella slipped the thin gold band onto her thumb and twirled it absentmindedly while she removed his ID and looked upon what she now knew would be her last letter.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_As I write this letter, I'm huddled on a beach with what remains of my unit. We're cold and wet and no one can remember the last time we've slept. But even through all this, I'm so happy. This is our last run, baby. Then I'll be coming home to you. _

_Your,_

_Edward_

_P.S. I love you._

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